AL QURAN RECITATION WITH TRANSLATION

Wonderful Definitions

School
A place where Parents pay and children play
Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..
Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.
Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece
Dictionary
A place where success comes before work
Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on
Father
A banker provided by nature
Criminal
A person no different from the rest ...except that he/she got caught
Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after
DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

SPEAK ONLY ENGLISH IN EMERGENCY

In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!

Never say prayers in any other language!
U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into :)
An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.
When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: 'Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?'
They replied "Because he kept saying,
'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Brains aren't designed to get results; they go in directions.
If you know how the brain works you can set your own directions.
If you don't, then someone else will.


- Richard Wayne Bandler

Why Planning is important?

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease & dirt. They then went up to the Dean & said that they had gone out to a wedding last night & on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.



So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him & said they would be ready by that time.


On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the question Paper
Q.1. Your Name .......................... (2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tire burst?                  (98 MARKS)
   a) Front Left  b) Front Right  c) Back Left   d) Back Right

True story from IIT Bombay ....Batch 1992

BE PLANNED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ஒரு நகரத்திற்கு சட்டமிருந்தது. அதன்படி யார் வேண்டுமென்றாலும் அந்த நகரத்திற்கு ராஜாவாக வரமுடியும். ஆனால், அந்தப் பதவி ஐந்தாண்டுகள் மட்டுமே! ஐந்தாண்டு முடிந்த அடுத்த நாளே மன்னனை ஆற்றின் கரைக்கு மறுபுறம் உள்ள காட்டில் விட்டுவிடுவார்கள்.


அந்தக் காட்டில் மனிதர்கள் கிடையாது. வெறும் கொடிய விலங்குகள் மட்டுமே! மன்னன் காட்டிற்குள் நுழைந்தால் போதும்; வனவிலங்குகள் கொன்று தீர்த்துவிடும். இந்த சட்டத்தை யாராலும் மாற்ற இயலாது. இந்த நிபந்தனைகளுக்கு ஒப்புக் கொண்டவன் மட்டுமே அரியணையில் அமரப் பொருத்தமானவன். ஆக, மன்னனாக முடிசூட்டிக் கொண்டவனின் தலையெழுத்து, ஐந்தாண்டுகளுக்குப் பின் கட்டாய மரணம்.


இந்தக் கடுமையான சட்டத்துக்கு பயந்தே யாரும் அந்தப் பதவிக்கு ஆசைபடாமலிருந்ததால் அந்த அரியணை பெரும்பாலும் காலியாகவே இருந்தது. இருப்பினும் ஒரு சிலர் 'எப்படியிருந்தாலும் சாகத்தானே போகிறோம்; மன்னனாகவே மடியலாமே!' என்று பதவி ஏற்பதுண்டு. அதிலும் பாதி மன்னர்கள் இடையிலேயே மாரடைப்பால் மரணமடைவதுமுண்டு.


இப்படி ஒரு மன்னனுக்கு ஐந்து ஆண்டு ஆட்சிக்காலம் முடிந்தது. அன்று ஆற்றின் கரையைக் கடந்து காட்டிற்குச் செல்ல வேண்டும். அவனை வழியனுப்ப நாடே திரண்டிருந்தது.


மன்னன் வந்தான், அவனுடைய சிறப்பான ஆடைகளையும் நகைகளையும் அணிந்து, முடிசூடி, தங்க வாளேந்தி வைரங்கள் மின்ன மக்கள் முன் நின்றான். மக்கள் வாயைப் பிளந்தனர் ''இன்னும் அரை மணிநேரத்தில் சாகப் போகிறான் ; அதற்கு இவ்வளவு அலங்காரமா!''


தான் செல்லவிருந்த படகைப் பார்த்துவிட்டு சினத்துடன் கூறினான், ''மன்னன் செல்லும் படகா இது! பெரிய படகைக் கொண்டு வாருங்கள்! நான் நின்றுகொண்டா செல்வது! சிம்மாசனத்தைக் கொண்டு வாருங்கள்!''


கட்டளைகள் பறந்தன; காரியங்கள் நடந்தன! சற்று நேரத்தில் அலங்கரிக்கப்பட்ட அழகான படகு ஆற்று நீரைத் கிழித்துக் கொண்டு மறுகரை நோக்கிப் பயணித்தது.


மக்கள் திகைத்து நிற்க, மன்னன் கையசைக்க பயணம் தொடர்ந்தது.


மிகவும் அதிர்ச்சியடைந்தவன் படகோட்டியே! காரணம், இதுவரை அவன் மறுகரைக்கு அழைத்துச் சென்ற எந்த மன்னனும் மகிழ்ச்சியாக சென்றதில்லை. அழுது புலம்பி, புரண்டு, வெம்பிச் செல்வார்கள். இவனோ, மகிழ்ச்சிக் களிப்பில் பொங்கி வழிகிறான்.


படகோட்டி பொறுத்துக்கொள்ள முடியாமல் கேட்டான் ''மன்னா! எங்கே செல்கிறீர்கள் தெரியுமா?''


'' தெரியும் மறுகரைக்குச் செல்கிறேன்!''


''அங்கே சென்றவர்கள் திரும்ப இந்த நகரத்திற்கு வந்ததில்லை தெரியுமா?''


'' தெரியும். நானும் திரும்ப இந்த நகரத்திற்கு வரப் போவதில்லை!''


''பின்னே எப்படி உங்களால் இவ்வளவு மகிழ்ச்சியாக இருக்க முடிகிறது?''


'' அதுவா! நான் என்ன செய்தேன் தெரியுமா? ஆட்சிக்கு வந்த ஓராண்டு முடிவில் ஆயிரம் வேட்டைக்காரர்களைக் காட்டிற்கு அனுப்பினேன்; அவர்கள் கொடிய விலங்குகளை வேட்டையாடிக் கொன்று விட்டார்கள்!


இரண்டாமாண்டு முடிவில் ஆயிரம் விவசாயிகள் சென்றார்கள்; காட்டைத் திருத்தி உழுதார்கள்; இன்று ஏராளமான தானியங்கள் காய்கறிகள்.


மூன்றாமாண்டு முடிவில் ஆயிரம் கட்டடக்கலை வல்லுநர்கள், தொழிலாளர்கள் சென்றனர். இன்று வீடு, வாசல், அரண்மனை, அந்தப்புரம், சாலைகள் எல்லாம் தயார்!


நான்காம் ஆண்டு முடிவில் ஆயிரம் அரசு அதிகாரிகள் சென்றனர். நிர்வாகம் சீரடைந்தது. இந்த 4000 பேரும் தங்கள் மனைவி, குழந்தைகளுடன் சென்று அங்கே வாழ்கின்றனர்.


இப்போது நான் காட்டிற்குப் போகவில்லை; என்னுடைய நாட்டிற்குப் போகின்றேன்! சாகப் போகவில்லையப்பா, வாழப் போகின்றேன்! அதுவும் மன்னனாக ஆளப்போகிறேன்! உனக்கு ஒருவேளை அரண்மனைப் படகோட்டி வேலை வேண்டுமென்றால், இந்தப் படகோடு இப்படியே வேலைக்கு சேர்ந்து விடு!'' என்றான் மன்னன்.


ஒரே ஒரு கேள்வியை மட்டும் எடுத்துக் கொள்ளலாம்.


மன்னனின் வெற்றிக்குக் காரணங்கள் யாவை?


பல காரணங்கள் இருந்தாலும் குறிப்பாக இரண்டினைக் கூறலாம்.


ஒன்று : ஐந்து ஆண்டுகளுக்குப் பின் உயிர் வாழவேண்டும்; அதுவும் மன்னனாகவே வாழவேண்டும் என்று முடிவு எடுத்தது.


இரண்டு : அந்த முடிவினை அடைவதற்காக திட்டமிட்டு உழைத்தது!


அந்த மன்னனுடைய வெற்றிக்கு மட்டுமல்ல; நாம் அனைவருமே வெற்றி பெறவேண்டுமென்றால் நமக்குத்தேவை ஒரு இலக்கை நிர்ணயித்தலும் அதற்காக திட்டமிடுதலும், திட்டமிட்ட பின் வெற்றி பெறும்வரை கடுமையாகவும் புத்திசாலித்தனமாக உழைப்பதுமே


இன்றைய பொழுது இனிய பொழுதாக அமையட்டும்! வாழ்த்துகள் !!


நாளை விடியுமென்று விண்ணை நம்பும்போது


நம்மால் முடியுமென்று உன்னை நம்பு!!

Steps to build a positive personality.

1. Accept responsibility.
2. Concentration
3. Think win/win
4. Choose your work carefully
5. Do not criticize and complain
6. Smile and be kind
7. Put positive interpretation on other people’s behavior
8. Be good listener
9. Be enthusiastic
10. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
11. When we make a mistake, we should accept it, willingly and immediately.
12. When the other person realize and admit that he has made a mistake, congratulate him & give him a way out to save face.
13. Discussion but don’t argue.
14. Don’t gossip
15. Turn promises into commitment.
16. Be grateful but don’t expect gratitude.
17. Be dependable and practice loyalty.
18. Avoid awareness grudges.
19. Forgive and forget.
20. Practice honesty, integrity & sincerity.
21. Practice humility.
22. Be understanding and caring.
23. Practice courtesy on a daily basis.
24. Develop a sense of humor.
25. Don’t be sarcastic and put others down.
26. To a friend be a friend.
27. Show empathy

Expatriate Wills:

Protecting your assets for your family
Over the past year, I have been approached by three separate expatriates whose spouses have died whilst resident in the UAE. In each case, the surviving family had quickly discovered that the death of a loved one can create several problems for them as expatriates in the UAE.
As well as the registration of the death, funeral arrangements and/or repatriation of the body,
there are also several financial problems. These can be summarised as:
   What happens to the surviving family's residence visas?
   Is severance payable?
   What happens to UAE-based bank accounts?
   How are UAE-based assets distributed on death?
   Are there death taxes on the inheritance?
Unfortunately, I was contacted after the each death. I say unfortunately because, in each case, there were simple steps which could have been taken to mitigate much of the pain and hardship placed on the respective families.This month, we review the each of the five questions above and offer some simple solutions to protect your family and ensure your estate passes to those you wish it to.
Residency status
An expatriate's residency visa is cancelled upon their death. If the deceased has sponsored
their family, the family's visas will also be cancelled at this time as they no longer have a sponsor. The surviving family then have 30 days in which to leave the country. There are two potential solutions for those wishing to stay in the UAE.
A new Federal Law has been announced that will allow six month renewable residency visas
to freehold property owners in the UAE. As a property does not die with its owner, the spouse's and children's residency would not be cancelled if they are attached to the property rather than the deceased's employment.
Secondly, if both spouses are employed, both should be sponsored by their respective
employers (rather than one spouse being sponsored by their partner). This too would mitigate both spouses' visas being cancelled and the children could easily be switched to the surviving spouses' visa if required.
Severance payouts
In most cases, severance pay will be due to the heirs of a deceased employee. However, the employer does not have to pay this until proof of the legal status of the heirs is provided by either a valid Will, or by a court order.
The application of this rule is flexible and, in a large part, will depend on the willingness of the employer to pay the severance benefit. I would suggest that is always best to work on the worst case scenario and assume that this money will not be readily available, just in case the employer does not want to release the money as early as they could.
UAE bank account provisions
Many expatriates are still unaware that both individual and joint name banks accounts will be
frozen on an expatriate's death. Consequently, a surviving spouse will not have access to money in a joint name bank account (even where they are one of the account holders), or any account which is in their spouses' name.These accounts will remain frozen until probate is granted and all the deceased's debts in the UAE (including parking tickets and other fines) are repaid. The procedure for reactivating bank accounts is complex and it can take up to 18 months for the Courts to name the beneficiaries to whom the monies should be paid.
Obviously, this can create major problems if the majority of an expatriate's savings are in their UAE account. The surviving family will have no money (for up to 18 months) to pay the rent or mortgage, the utility bills, food and clothing, education fees, or even their return journey home.
However, only the UAE-based bank accounts are frozen so this does not affect savings in other countries. Consequently, this problem can be simply avoided by establishing an offshore bank account outside of the UAE. A good solution is a UK offshore account which offers tax-free savings as well as financial and legal regulation familiar to the expatriate. These accounts also offer debit cards, cheque books and internet banking for easy access to savings.
I would suggest holding three months' salary in the local UAE account for day-to-day living and to cover any unforeseen emergencies. The rest can then be transferred to an offshore account where it is protected and can easily be accessed if required. If money is transferred offshore on a quarterly basis (as opposed to every month) this will reduce the bank transfer fees and help liquidity.
It is also important to note at this stage that, if there is not enough money in your offshore
account to live on for 18 months, a small life assurance policy (written in trust) will easily provide quick access to cash for a small monthly premium.
UAE succession laws
The UAE treats movable assets (such as cash, investments, cars, etc...) differently to  immovable assets (property) for inheritance purposes. Generically speaking, movable assets will be frozen until all debts have been repaid and probate is granted. These assets will then be distributed as per the law of the expatriates home country - but only if this is clearly requested in their Will.
The UAE Civil Code states that immovable assets should be distributed as per UAE (Shariah) law. As an expatriate's UAE real estate is an immovable asset, technically this should be distributed as per Shariah law. However, there is currently some uncertainty, as some scholars believe that foreign law should apply and the property distributed as per the deceased's Will.
As a result of this ambiguity, more and more bodies are calling for new laws or clarification of
the existing laws.
At present, it is likely that the UAE Courts will decide on the applicable law on a case-by-case basis. This means there is no guarantee that the Courts will apply foreign law over Shariah law. Additionally, many foreign jurisdictions refer immovable assets back to the laws of the country where they are located so the property would still fall under UAE law.Inheritance tax
As a low tax environment, there is no inheritance tax in the UAE. However, as an expatriate,you are still liable for death taxes in your home country on your worldwide estate (unless you have changed your domicile). Consequently, your UAE-based assets will be liable to death taxes in your home country even if you have not lived there for several decades. It is also important to remember that, whilst there are no death taxes in the UAE, there will be a property transfer fee in the UAE when the property is re-registered from the deceased to their heirs.
What can I do to protect my family?
The first thing you should do is make a Will which clearly states that it is written under the laws of your home country. This will ensure that foreign (your home country) law will apply to your moveable assets rather than Shariah law.
As discussed above, if you do not already have an offshore bank account, set one up and transfer the majority of your savings into that account. If you have a mortgage, ensure there is life assurance in place to repay this; removing the debt from your estate and leaving your family mortgage free. This will help reactivate bank accounts quicker and ensure the family home is not repossessed.
If you do not have sufficient savings for the family to live on for the 18 months, take out a second small life assurance policy (written in trust) for your family. If you own a mortgage-free UAE based property, you could also transfer the ownership of the property to an offshore company (with all your family members as Directors). This will avoid the property being distributed as per Shariah law as the company does not die when you do.
As your shares in the company are overseas, they will be distributed as per the laws of your
home country and therefore your wishes. However, it must be noted that this option is expensive (company formation plus property transfer fees) and, as no UAE banks currently lend to offshore companies, it is only applicable to those who have no mortgage commitments.


Courtesy: Darren Ashley is the founder and Managing Director of Candour Consultancy,

Hope will enjoy the jokes........

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said,"When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked,"What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied,"Then you ask him."
********************************
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
***************************************
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
*****************************************
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, you must have made grandma cry a lot."
************************************************
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael, He's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
*************************************************
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet aren’t empty."
******************************************
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
How cute.....................

Vacabulary of the day...........

Solace - Comfort in sadness
Abrupt - Sudden
Hasty - Hurried / Acting too quickly

Be bold when you loose and Be calm when you win

Heated Gold becomes ornament,
Beaten copper becomes wire,
Depleted stone becomes statue,
So the more pain you get in life you become more valuable................

Enough is Enough

Dear Friends!

Petrol in Pakistan Rs17 per litr
Malaysia Rs 18 per litr
In India it's Rs.65per litr
Why is there a difference within India itself? World Market CRUDE Oil
is not the reason for this. It's all Gain for private owners? As we
are the general public, or Common Man as R.K.Laxman wud hv said, we
have to raise our voice, let's raise thru Emails.

Forward this to all Indians who care.

It has been calculated that if everyone did not purchase a drop of
petrol for one day and all at the same time, the oil companies would
choke on their stockpiles.

At the same time it would hit the entire industry with a net loss over
4.6 billion dollars which affects the bottom lines of the oil
companies.
Therefore " Feb.14th " has been formally declared "stick it up their
behind " day and the people of this nation should not buy a single
drop of petrol that day.
The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many
people as you can and as quickly as you can to get the word out.
Waiting on the government to step in and control the prices is not
going to happen. What happened to the reduction and control in prices
that the Arab nations promised two weeks ago?

Remember one thing, not only is the price of petrol going up but at
the same time airlines are forced to raise their prices, trucking
companies are forced to raise their prices which affects prices on
everything that is shipped. Things like food, clothing, building
supplies medical supplies etc. Who pays in the end? We do!

We can make a difference. If they don't get the message after one day,
we will do it again and again. So do your part and spread the word.
Forward this email to everyone you know.

Mark your calendars and make* * *Feb.* 14th

A day that the citizens say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"

We forward so many junk email to many of our friends, now let us do
it for some useful cause to cut down the price of the petrol .. ....

REMEMBER : * 14th February 2011 *

Motivate..............

A leaf which falls from the tree is at the mercy of wind,
it goes wherever wind takes it..
be the wind to drive others,
not the leaf to be driven by others.!